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Billy wrote on his twitter: Creating Magik is not about being perfect, it's about being true.

I was like, got shot right thru the heart.

Cant help feeling sad and vulnerable even desperate some time, especially when things get messed up. But quoting Brian Molko, I chose not to avoid and escape anymore, the uneven is also a part of life. Being positive is great, but optimism does not equal that you dont have to comtemplate or what's going on does not matter anymore. Under this circumstance, being true plus wise acts is more accurate than merely being positive. Extremly pessimism kills, blind optimism even quickens the process.

I'm happy with my life but not satisfied with my work, in a more direct way i'd like to say, yea it dyspeptic me a lot almost everyday I spent in the office. I was definitely let down and was treated as merely human-shaped air. Take 'MJ passed away' for a look, I contacted, actually provided my 'TUTOR' several reliable sources, an expert within the field inclued, but instead of doing some decent interviews they DIRECTED the whole pec of news: a man in his mid 40s, claiming himself a MJ fan,  almost cried in a bathetic way during the 'random' interview, was actually the manager of the record-store they chose to 'make' the scene. And everyting was a set, they simply taught him what to focus,'tell the audience you was going to attend the london gig'. Admittedly that guy was talented in acting,' I learned that there will be an auction of selling MJ's belongings, i may bid for some', he performed too well to be true. A 40 something man who looks bored and dressed up in an out-of-date decorum, an MJ fan? Kidding me.

And that's how they fooled the public.

'The SMG guys must be extremly jealous of us,' said one of them in a exultant smile, 'how come they found such a man!'

And that's how they dyspepticed me again.

omfg. 在缺乏素材的情况下自导自演或许还能接受，但如果只是因为懒和缺乏判断力，我操，您真够专业的，你们全家都是专业的。

我终于知道人家为什么这么憎恨媒体了。

这个世界就是，人们着眼于自身利益，太不懂得设身处地了，摘一段我和一个MJ饭的对话：

喜北肉豆蔻 说:
刚刚加了个铁杆群
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
然后被T了

 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
他们都对媒体有敌意
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
算了
very sweet~ 说:
晕。不是吧。。
喜北肉豆蔻 说:
可能是很不舒服的吧
very sweet~ 说:
你要做那方面报道啊。不会这样啊按理说
very sweet~ 说:
估计是的。大家现在都很难过
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
如果换了是BRIAN MOLKO我估计也受不了
喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我们站里的人都去吃饭了
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我连饭都不想吃
喜北肉豆蔻 说:
真的是没办法
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我也是被逼的
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
其实我也知道这个时候不应该去打扰歌迷
very sweet~ 说:
嗯。我理解你。可惜我不在上海
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
所以说媒体真是很贱
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我有别的朋友在做专题
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
整个专题报道
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我觉得那样还比较有意思
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
意义
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
其实像我们这样做跟踪新闻,只是觉得这些新闻有价值,有时效性
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
做的人一点人性都没有
very sweet~ 说:
其实如果没有你们媒体我们又怎么能第一时间知道这个事情呢
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
他们根本就不理解这对歌迷来说有多痛苦
very sweet~ 说:
哎
very sweet~ 说:
有利有弊吧
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
恩
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我现在一点胃口都没有了
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我觉得我真是不适合媒体
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
太感性，真的没办法就像个猎狗一样只嗅到新闻点
very sweet~ 说:
呵呵。适合不适合确实是一部分原因。其次还是看自己怎么做吧
喜北肉豆蔻 说:
就比方说这件事情吧
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
如果换了我任何一个同事
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
可能就觉得没什么
very sweet~ 说:
嗯？
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
你们伤心是你们的事情，我只要采到我要的新闻就好了
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我就觉得不行，我也会很难过
very sweet~ 说:
呵呵。确实
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
我可能还是比较适合杂志
very sweet~ 说:
没办法。公私分的很开
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
如果在杂志实习的话，也许有机会做专题，那才是真的去做点事情
very sweet~ 说:
你是实习生？
 喜北肉豆蔻 说:
而不是说就抓着大家最痛苦的时候再撒把盐

最简单的办法可能是：Remember who I am, try my best to oust 'the other' from my heart, be myself.

I'm happy that I'm not like them.

现在Friday I'm in Love 真是要变成大大大金曲了。

我究竟要忍到什么时候才是个头呢。